Is motherhood a soft skill?

Is motherhood a soft skill?

Do you ever feel that the concept of supporting mothers through motherhood doesn’t quite get taken seriously enough? That the people who choose to work with and for mothers somehow carry a little less weight, a little less credibility?

That personal trainers who choose to specialise in fitness for Mums are thought of as “Mummy trainers”, that lawyers who work in family law probably aren’t as smart as those working in international relations, that psychologists who support women through Post Natal Depression are “just a shoulder to cry on”, that a business coach who specialises in working with Mums who own a business is just a “Mumpreneur”, or that a physiotherapist who chooses to focus on postnatal rehabilitation probably couldn’t cut it in the sportsmed field?

I often feel there’s an undercurrent of this in today’s society – and the most frustrating thing for me, as an Occupational Therapist who works primarily with mothers, is the underlying assumption that there are better things I could be doing with my degree than “helping the Yummy Mummies”. Because the way I see it, this is the most important work I’ve done in my career so far.

At the beginning of my life as an occupational therapist, I worked in the field of vocational rehabilitation. My job involved supporting unemployed people with disabilities or injuries to find suitable and sustainable employment.

Part of the role was helping individuals figure out what their strengths were. This was often challenging, but at the same time immensely rewarding. Anyone who has been unemployed for a period of time would know how much it can impact your confidence and self esteem, and the people I was working with were often battling with the double whammy of long term unemployment and an injury which heavily affected their work capacity. Helping these people to identify their strengths was often difficult, because their confidence and self esteem had simply been eroded to the point of non-existence over a period of months, years, or even decades.
But it was always valuable work identifying strengths – because people always have strengths, even if they feel they don’t. Frequently we would classify these strengths into what we called “vocational skills” and “soft skills”. Vocational skills were those that were directly related to performing a paid job – such as does this person have a truck licence, can they use an excel spreadsheet, do they have a trade certificate? The soft skills were those skills or attributes a person possessed which weren’t specifically required for the job, but which would make them a valuable employee. For example – were they punctual, well presented, did they work well in a team environment, did they have a friendly and welcoming demeanour?

The comparative value of soft vs vocational skills has long been the subject of debate among human resource circles.

The irony is, while the soft skills are often thought less of, they are actually more important in a worker – because they better represent the true personality of potential employee. But because they don’t come with a certification or a parchment, they are often less valued and considered ‘nice to have’ but not as important as the ‘hard’ skills.

Sometimes I feel like motherhood gets treated like a ‘soft skill’ by our western society. Under appreciated and frequently disrespected.

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As a health professional working in this area, I’ll admit to initially feeling a little conflicted about choosing to focus my work in this area. How much support do Mums really need? Wouldn’t my time be better spent working with people who’ve had a stroke? Or children with autism? Or teenagers with spinal cord injuries? Or something else equally as altruistic?
Are mothers really in need of specialist rehabilitation or wellbeing support?

The short answer is yes.

When I began working with this population early in my motherhood journey I hadn’t experienced a broad range of the challenges and adversities that mothers frequently face. I had one lovely baby who fed well and slept 16 hours a day. I was truly blessed, I know that now. But around me I saw other mothers grappling with so many more difficulties than I had. Women struggling with postnatal depression, battling musculoskeletal injuries, raising children with life threatening illnesses or challenging behavioural conditions, or doing it all as a single mother. Often without much support, guidance or understanding from the broader community. The traits they demonstrated throughout motherhood included resourcefulness, negotiation, physical and emotional strength, resilience, amazing communication skills, delegation, scheduling, managing competing priorities – the list goes on. And sure – these skills too might be considered soft – but they’re not. Particularly not when they’re being implemented in the process of raising future generations.

It was then that I realised how much society treats motherhood as a soft skill. When in actuality – it’s one of the most challenging, multifaceted skills a person can possess.

From that point on I never again questioned my role in working with mothers. For me at this stage in my career, its where I feel I can have the greatest impact in my world, and the world that will one day belong to future generations.

So no, motherhood is not a soft skill. If you’re a mother please don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Whenever you start to feel disillusioned and perhaps unconvinced of the role you’re playing in this life, always remind yourself of the gravity of your role. You are creating, teaching and leading the future custodians of our world.

There’s nothing soft about that.

And if you’re a professional who supports women through the motherhood experience, please always know just how important and specialised your role is – don’t ever let anyone doubt you, your abilities, or your choice to work in this field.

Until next time,

Sarah

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What you should really spend your money on as a new Mum

What you should really spend your money on as a new Mum

Instagram has a lot to answer for.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m an Insta-fan. Between work and my personal life I actually have four different accounts, but that’s beside the point…

Because here’s my gripe. As a women’s health occupational Therapist who works primarily in the field of postnatal women, this is what I see:

Women spending a lot of money on cool, beautiful, on-trend stuff for their babies, and not a lot of money on their own wellbeing.

There I said it.

You may think I’m being harsh or insensitive, but I can guarantee you, there’s thousands of other antenatal health practitioners out there who agree with me. And we’re all wondering the same thing: “Do women truly value a beautiful nursery over their own health and wellbeing?”

I saw a Facebook post the other day which mentioned that the average cost of a wedding these days was $48,000. Forty. Eight. Thousand. Dollars!! That’s a whoooooooole lot more than I paid for my wedding nearly 8 years ago.

It made me wonder how much the average couple spend on setting up their home for a new baby – how much for the nursery, the pram, the car seat? Which is where my Instagram reference comes in. We see these beautiful nurseries, those gorgeous baby outfits, the extravagant baby showers – and we think we need them. Insta-envy is real – I know, I’m not immune. We get swept up in the romance of new parenthood, in the gorgeousness of it all.

But we don’t need that stuff. Your baby doesn’t need a $50 teething toy or a $200 tutu she will throw up on within 14 seconds. What we really need is to look after ourselves. And not just in a “popping-out-for-a-coffee-and-a-pedicure-mummy-me-time” kind of way, but in a “considered-practical-meaningful-evidence-based-longterm-wellbeing” kind of way.

So it makes me wonder – what would it take to convince women (and men) to take at least part of the money they might otherwise spend on beautiful baby stuff, and instead invest it into their future physical and emotional wellbeing?

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Those of us who work in this industry see the difficulties (and oftentimes devastation) that pregnancy and motherhood can wreak on a body and a mind.

We KNOW for certain, that our services can help. We see the life-altering loneliness of disconnected mothers, the silent shame of incontinence after birth, the unresolved trauma of a labour that didn’t go exactly to plan. We see all that. And we want to help. We know we can help. But we need you to pay for it.

It’s as simple as that. There’s not a single women’s health practitioner I know who wouldn’t gladly run oodles of free workshops, classes and sessions if she could. That’s why so many of us have blogs, YouTube channels, and free resources on our websites,  But the truth of that matter is that many of us are self-employed, or work in small private practices, and the reality of running a business is that you have to charge for your services. We have to charge to pay rent, pay for supplies, pay for our extensive clinical training, and of course pay ourselves a wage – because we also have families to feed and mortgages to pay.

And this is why we get frustrated. Because we know women need help, but we continually see them spending money on other things – other than their own wellbeing. We see women paying $1500 for prams, but not $500 for a hypnobirthing program. We see women buying $300 nappy bags, but not investing that same amount of money in a few physiotherapy sessions to help restore their pelvic floor function. We see women spend hundreds of dollars per term on baby swimming lessons or gymbaroo, rather than spending that exact same amount on a postnatal yoga or pilates class.

And it breaks our heart.

Truly it does. Seeing women neglect themselves and their own wellbeing is one of the biggest frustrations of our jobs. We don’t want to see you in pain. We don’t want to see you hiding indoors due to postnatal anxiety, or shying away from jumping on the trampoline with the kids because your pelvic floor can no longer handle the task.

We want you to be strong – physically and emotionally.

We want you to be a confident and connected mother – able to take the challenges of motherhood in your stride, to celebrate the joys with fervour, all the while knowing that your body and your mind remain resilient and capable of carrying you long into your future.

We know you can only do that if you’re well. And that, potentially, means you coming to see us.

It’s our job to convince you that we can help you, but it’s your job to invest in your own wellbeing.

Here’s the question I want you to ask yourself:

“Do I really value a beautiful Instagram-worthy nursery over the long term wellbeing and function of my own body and mind?”

I say this with love, because I truly believe it – but your money is better spent on supporting your wellbeing as a mother, than it is furnishing your nursery with pretty things.

I get it. I know how exciting it is to create the perfect nursery theme, to have all the latest baby gadgets with all the bells and whistles. But at the end of the day, they don’t compare to you being well, with you being emotionally resilient, with you avoiding a lifetime of incontinence.

Here’s something to consider:

If you choose the Boori Urbane Noosa Cot for $399, over the Boori Pioneer Cot for $699 – you would save $300 – that’s three one to one sessions with a Women’s Health Occupational Therapist or Physiotherapist.

If you choose the Baby Jogger City Mini GT for $799 over the Bugaboo Chameleon 3 for $1519 – you would save $720 – that’s 12 weeks of personal training sessions with a womens health specialist PT.

If you chose a Collette Pocket and Zip Baby Bag for $79 over the Mimco Splendiosa Baby Bag for $299 you would save $220 – that could buy you four weeks of professional housecleaning while you spend that first month getting to know your baby.

Finally, just remember this – within a few years all those baby blankets will go to Vinnies, the cot and the pram will be sold on Gumtree, but that body you’re inhabiting? That’s going to be with you for a lifetime. Invest in it wisely.

Until next time, Sarah

ps. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article – comment away or email me at sarah@bloomwellbeing.com.au

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Could I have postnatal depression?

Could I have postnatal depression?

I’m taking a huge guess here – but I’m going out on a limb to say that most new mothers have asked themselves this question at some point in the first few years of becoming a mother.

Welcoming a new baby into the world is an experience like no other. Being a new parent brings a whole gamut of emotions, responsibilities and questions. Many of which we’re completely unprepared for.

But what happens when those emotions, responsibilities and questions become too much? When “unprepared” becomes “unable to cope”?

When does new parent overwhelm become postnatal depression?

Is it just the baby blues? Or is it postnatal depression?

Is it just the baby blues? Or is it postnatal depression?

 

Current statistics tell us that postnatal depression (PND) now affects one in 7 new mothers and one in 20 new fathers. But despite the increased incidence of PND in our society, there still seems to be misunderstanding about what PND actually is and how it is treated.

Beyond the “Baby Blues”

In recent years there’s been an increased awareness of the “Baby Blues”, that short period of time after childbirth in which new Mums can feel exceptionally sad or teary for no apparent reason. This episode generally coincides with the new Mum’s breast milk “coming in” and is primarily hormonal in its cause.

However, postnatal depression shouldn’t be confused with the baby blues, because it is something else entirely.

When feelings of sadness, hopelessness, fear and worry extend beyond a period of a few weeks it can signal that the mum is in fact experiencing postnatal depression.

How do I know if it’s PND?

The difficult thing about diagnosing PND is that the early signs and symptoms are so similar to the general experience of many new mums who may be overwhelmed with their new role as a parent.

Feelings of worry, exhaustion, bouts of tearfulness or irritability, feeling inadequate as a mother, feeling unable to cope, blaming yourself when things go wrong, being overly critical of yourself, decreased sex drive, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite. The majority of mothers can relate to having felt these emotions as a new mother – but they are also classic symptoms of PND. So how do we know if a Mum is just “going through a rough patch”, as opposed to something more serious?

From a health professional’s perspective, we will do an in-depth interview to help each woman determine whether it’s a case of the “blues” or if it’s actually depression.

What we look out for is these types of issues:

  • Difficulty being able to laugh and see the funny side of things
  • Decreased ability to look forward to enjoyable activities
  • Blaming yourself unnecessarily when things have gone wrong
  • Feeling anxious or worried without good reason
  • Feeling like things are frequently “getting on top of you”
  • Difficulty sleeping or sleeping excessively
  • Frequently feeling sad or miserable quite often
  • Frequent bouts of crying
  • Having thoughts of harming myself of others

In particular, we want to know how long these feelings have been experienced, generally if it’s more than a two week period, the likelihood that it’s actually depression is increased. (although with the last point about thoughts of harm, it’s important to address these, no matter how long they’ve been occurring.

With the early stages of depression there is no definitive test you can take which will answer “yes” or “no” to the question of “do I have postnatal depression?”. Which is why I always encourage anyone who might be worried they have PND to seek support from an experienced and understanding health care worker. They can help women work through these issues above.

I think I could have PND – what do I do now?

In my professional opinion, when it comes to seeking help for PND (even if you’re not sure its PND) , it’s a case of “better safe than sorry”. Seeking support and advice early is always recommended, as the types of interventions generally suggested for a woman with mild PND are the sort of things that would also support any mum who is simply overwhelmed. These might include:

  • One to one, or couples counselling
  • Relaxation and stress management strategies
  • Mindfulness and meditation strategies
  • Changes to diet and lifestyle – including sleep and exercise
  • Increased practical support around the home

As with many other things in life, PND generally occurs along a continuum. It is rarely black and white. The experience of PND can range from a mild case with the mother experiencing just a few of the common symptoms for a period of a few months, through to extreme PND where a mother may feel exceptionally hopeless and have thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Both examples would be considered depression, they’re just at different levels of intensity.

Many women put off seeking help for PND due to a number of reasons, frequently downplaying or talking themself out of speaking up. “It’s really not that bad”, “I’ll feel better once I get some decent sleep”, “It’ll get better once my baby is older”. These kind of assumptions can delay women from seeking timely support.

We know that early detection and treatment is the best possible course of action for parents who experience PND. If we can recognise the signs early, parents can access the type of support services listed above, and make lifestyle changes straight away. In many cases this can help to prevent the depression from becoming worse. But when PND is left unaddressed for long periods of time, it can escalate rapidly, meaning more intensive treatment options could be required, including the addition of psychiatric care or antidepressant medication.

For anyone concerned that they, or someone they know, might be experiencing PND, the best course of action is to seek support from a health professional. Speaking to your maternal health nurse, midwife, obstetrician, or GP is generally the first step. But you can also feel confident seeking out a counsellor, mental health OT, or psychologist, which in many cases doesn’t require a referral.

 

For further resources about PND, please visit the following websites:

www.panda.org.au

www.beyondblue.org.au

www.gidgetfoundation.com.au

If you require immediate support, please contact Lifeline on 131 114

Is feminism to blame for the Women’s Stress Epidemic?

Is feminism to blame for the Women’s Stress Epidemic?

Why are women so stressed? Why are we getting sicker and sicker? Why are adrenal fatigue, anxiety and depression at an all time high? Why do we now face a concept known as “Rushing Women’s Syndrome”.

Why is the current state of women’s health so poor, when we have more resources than ever to supposedly keep us healthy?

It’s a difficult question to answer and there are so many variables for every woman experiencing overwhelming stress and dysfunction. But there are a few common threads, and in this interview, fellow Occupational Therapist, Jac Edser, and I have a candid discussion about what we see in our practices on a regular basis.

Occupational Therapists, Jac Edser (left) and Sarah Hausler.

Occupational Therapists, Jac Edser (left) and Sarah Hausler.

 

Here’s just a few of the topics we cover in this discussion:

  • Why there is a global stress epidemic facing women at this current time
  • Why women are more susceptible to stress than men
  • How the desire to “have it all” has contributed to our stress epidemic
  • Why the feminist movement has been both friend and foe
  • How we can be more in tune with our “feminine power” and utilise this, rather than trying to create more “masculine” energies which can create stress
  • The link between physical and emotional wellbeing
  • How we can learn to “listen to our bodies” to help attain optimal physical and emotional wellbeing.

(ps. we recorded this interview as a bonus for my Busy Women’s Stress Makeover program, but it’s so good I want to share it with everyone!)

Have a listen below, and don’t forget to let me know what you think of our chat. Did you have any “Aha!” moments. Did it confirm some of your gut feelings about your own life? Or do you disagree completely?

 

Thanks for listening!

Until next time, Live Your Best Life.

Cheers, Sarah xx

De-Stress for December

De-Stress for December

Wow! Can you believe it’s the last day in November! Yes, tomorrow officially marks the start of the crazy, hectic, silly season month we know as DECEMBER. Bah – bah – bahhhhh!!!!

Are you ready for it? Got the Christmas shopping done? Arranged the meal plan for Christmas day? Booked the caravan park for your Boxing Day getaway? Put in your Christmas leave form yet?

There’s always so much to do at this time of year. Family functions to endure. A million parties to dress up for. School concerts to attend. Kindy graduations. The list goes on.

It’s also a really, REALLY expensive time of year (at least it can be). All that primping and those new outfits for all those parties can add up!! Though if you’re like me you just give up on shopping for new threads and hope and pray you can still squeeze into last year’s party dress! Am I right?

Put all this together and what do you get?

STRESS!!!!

All wrapped up in shiny Christmas paper with a red bow on top. A great big parcel of stress. More unwanted than that foot-spa hubby got you last Christmas.

Stress is huge for many people this time of year, which is why I’ve created this totally FREE four part video mini training series “De-stress for December”.

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It’s four of my favourite little strategies for letting go of stress, and allowing yourself to have a stress-free, enjoyable holiday season.

Check it out on YouTube and get ready to relax these holidays!

De-stress for December – part one

De-stress for December – part two

De-stress for December – part three

De-stress for December – part four

 

Happy holidays and Merry (no-stress) Christmas!

Cheers, Sarah xx

 

ps. If you liked this video series, you really should check out my four week online stress management program, the Busy Woman’s Stress Makeover. It’s just $89 and it will lead you through an entire body-mind-soul stress transformation!